|
|
****JavaScript based drop down DHTML menu generated by NavStudio. (OpenCube Inc. - http://www.opencube.com)****
|
|
Tomorrows For Yesterdays
|
Logged in as: Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic: none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Tomorrows For Yesterdays - 11/5/2009 12:29:36 AM
|
|
|
RonZippy
Posts: 440
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: North Dakota
Status: offline
|
I haven't posted much this year at all. Been a little blocked musically. Here's something I've been working on lately. Let me know what ya'll think.
Tomorrows For Yesterdays
By Aaron Zimmerman
Copyright 2009
Oh, I'd give up my tomorrows
Just for your yesterdays
I'd give up everything I have
Just to hear you say
You love me
I'd give up the job in the city
For one way back home
I'd give up this university
And the feeling of being alone
Oh, I'd give up my tomorrows
Just for your yesterdays
I'd give up everything I have
Just to hear you say
That you love me
I'd walk the 400 miles back home
Just to hold you tight
I'd write you a love song
That will marvel at your sight...
I'm giving up my tomorrows
For all of your yesterdays
Giving up everything I have
Just to hear you say.....
That you'll give up your tomorrows
For all my yesterdays
Give up everything you have
Just to say
"I love you..."
_____________________________
http://www.myspace.com/zimmermanmuzik
http://www.myspace.com/zippyron
http://www.youtube.com/azmuzik
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Tomorrows For Yesterdays - 11/11/2009 4:47:44 PM
|
|
|
wduffy
Posts: 483
Joined: 12/27/2004
From: Bensalem, PA
Status: offline
|
Aaron, I like what you have here and like where you're going. Love does strange things to people. Been there a few times myself.
I read the lyrics a few times and feel something is missing. It's like telling how you feel but never saying why. Even though it's easy to read betwen the lines after all we have all been in love some time.
I'd suggest adding a bridge.
Example:
There’s something about love
It’s hard to define
Cause when it really hits you
You can’t get it off your mind
Just a thought, keep it or sweep it.
Like your work,
Bill
_____________________________
I'm just a ballad singer, playing my songs for free
If the song sounds familiar, just sing along with me
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Tomorrows For Yesterdays - 11/15/2009 12:46:09 AM
|
|
|
cpova
Posts: 3349
Joined: 6/23/2004
From: Fayettenam, NC
Status: offline
|
I agree with Bill on pretty much all that he said.
I do have a suggestion. To me, "all of OUR yesterdays" makes a little more sense for how I was understanding the story.
Otherwise, good work, Aaron
_____________________________
No matter where you go, there you are.
www.myspace.com/pova_nator
Do or do not......there is no try
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Tomorrows For Yesterdays - 11/20/2009 7:11:52 AM
|
|
|
hip_5089
Posts: 5650
Joined: 10/19/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
|
Let me start by saying that the idea and concept of the song is good. The title end "hook" work well to get some attention to the message of the song.
Then line that gets to me is when you somewhat personalize it by speaking of a university. That limits your target audience to a more specific age group. Granted there are college students of all ages, but the older ones are less likely to give up their second start in education for a second chance at once failed relationship.
The portion that Pova spoke of with a word change to "our yesterdays" would work well for the song also. I would however combine this with a bridging effort that Bill spoke of and take the idea of living in the past with "yesterday" and making it the future. Possibly even turning around on the phrase and "......making tommorows from our yesterday" and show that you learn from the pzast and not be destined to reapeat it, or only living in the past.
This is just how the song appears to me and maybe I am missing the root message here but those are my suggestions. Keep working this idea, the hook concept for this song is still good.
< Message edited by hip_5089 -- 11/20/2009 7:17:44 AM >
_____________________________
Be safe, but keep a finger near the trigger.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Printable Version
